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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Warning: serious post

Right, I haven't really edited this much, but I'm going to post it here anyway. It's a, um... Well, it's very personal. I'm not sure what else to call it. If you wait until the end, I'll provide a little commentary, but it's always easier to explain my thoughts through a story than plain words. Ick, case in point. So... here it is.

Emma and John

Emma was eighteen when the realization hit her.
I hate this.  She was doing what her parents wanted her to do, following the path they wanted for her, and she hated it with her entire soul.
So Emma began thinking about it, and she decided that this wasn’t a sudden idea.  She had been working up to this ever since she met John.  He was her friend, and though he had never shown any signs of it, she had decided that he must be magical.  How else could she sit with him, saying nothing, and be totally comfortable?  It had to be magic.
Anyway, John wanted her to be happy.  That was what he said—without ever specifying how.  That was up to her, he told her.  It was her choice.  And from his simple words, an idea began to form in her head.
I can make my own happiness.  But… the doubts were crashing in now, wave after wave of them.  There were many, of various sizes and shapes, but the biggest one was what she focused on the most.  What if I disappoint my parents?
Emma’s plan for happiness would disappoint them.  She knew that.  She also knew that, while it would definitely be hard, it needed to be done.
She asked John.  I’m scared.  I don’t want to disappoint you or—
He smiled and cut her off.  Don’t worry about me or anyone else.  Do what makes you happy; do what fulfills you.  Are you happy?
Emma couldn’t speak for a long moment, and when she did, her answer was less than satisfactory.  I’m not unhappy.
Well, that’s good.  But you know it’s not good enough.
And he was right, of course.
Emma took a deep breath and made a decision.  She had to follow her own plan to make her own life.  She was terrified, of course, but she couldn’t back down.  If she hesitated for even a moment, the plan would be shattered, and even if she put it back together, it would never be as good as it once was.
There was so much to do before she was ready, but she had made the choice to move forward; that was the hardest part.  And she owed it all to John.

Explanation time? Well, as you may have already guessed, Emma is supposed to be me. I'm going through this problem right now, and I wanted to put it into words. And now you're probably wondering who this "John" character is.

Well, here's the thing. John isn't a person. He's kind of several people and a part of me and... maybe some other things. He looks like this in my head:
This is the face of self-approval.
But he's not supposed to be the Doctor. I just imagine Matt Smith whenever I need to make a choice about something like this. He gives me... courage.

Anyway, that's my story. I hope you liked it, and if you want to give me advice (of any nature) or say pretty much anything, you can comment below or email me at s.e.newman94@gmail.com

Have a great day!

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Did you know I write fanfiction? Since my reader base consists of Beth and several of my imaginary friends, I'm guessing you did.

Anyway, this is me:

I mainly write Doctor Who and Sherlock stuff, though I have some ideas for others (no promises). Anyway, take a look if you get the chance.