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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Why Yo Gabba Gabba is the darkest kid's show ever made

I have finally discovered the awful truth behind that highly-addictive, super colorful, slightly off-putting show called Yo Gabba Gabba.*

I was always slightly resistant to the show; it just seemed so... something. I could never figure it out, but something about it was wrong. Today, while watching the "Family" episode with my niece and nephew, I finally came to understand why it's wrong.

Muno, as this episode shows, is not the five-year-old we all thought he was. He's the same size as his father, yet he refuses to take baths and plays with toys. Obviously, he's a grown man with the stunted mind of a child and lives in a special home ("Gabbaland").

The spontaneous singing and dancing? Obviously, these moments are hallucinations from either:
Why is he pointing at me?!
Am I next?!

1. Foofa, the drug addict. Have you seen her? Even the kids pick up on it! You cannot ignore her Mary Jane-induced calm acid-trip talking garden.

2. Brobee, the bipolar psychopath. He really scares me. From the way he happily eats the (apparently sentient) food to his weird and sudden mood swings. Just look at that intensely creepy stare. And why are his horns so red?! Why does he even have horns?!

3. Toodie, the paranoid schizophrenic. She talks to ants, sings about fish, and has to have a special doctor when even DJ Lance can't help her.

Then, there's DJ Lance Rock, the doctor (probably using the strange clothes and name so as not to upset his temperamental patients), and Plex is the orderly who has to put up with teaching them remedial tasks and warning them about eating food off the ground. "Super Music Friend Show" shows how the medication is administered: through mind-controlling televisions (so it's the fifties). That's not even getting into how DJ Lance can wake them up and send them to sleep whenever he wants.

I've done my research, and now I know why this show is freakin' creepy. That's not to say I don't like it; it's a cool show, and I enjoy the bright colors and fun music. It's just really scary at the same time.

Next on Childhood Ruiners: "Why Sesame Street is Satanic."**

*This is a comedy article, not to be taken seriously (unless you really want to). Is the whole thing just a big coincidence? Maybe. But I doubt it.

**This was a one-time idea; I won't be writing another one. I also have no proof to support the claim that demons control Elmo and a Ernie is the muppet equivalent of Saw. But I suspect.

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